Candace Against the Universe Read online

  Copyright © 2020 Disney Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved. Published by Disney Press, an imprint of Buena Vista Books, Inc. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the publisher. For information address Disney Press, 1200 Grand Central Avenue, Glendale, California 91201.

  ISBN 978-1-368-06551-1

  Visit www.disneybooks.com

  CONTENTS

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Epilogue

  “MOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!” Candace Flynn screamed into her cell phone. On the other end was her mom.

  “Okay, Candace, ” Mom said. “What is it this time?”

  “It’s…it’s…it’s hard to explain!” Candace said.

  Candace was looking at her backyard, where her brothers, Phineas and Ferb, were being juggled by a giant robot, along with their friends Buford and Baljeet, along with Isabella and her Fireside Girls troop. Candace couldn’t stand that her brothers were once again doing whatever they wanted and having a great time and not getting busted.

  That was what she was doing: busting them.

  “Where are you?” Candace asked frantically.

  “I’m almost home,” Mom said.

  That made Candace very happy. At last Mom would see exactly what Phineas and Ferb were up to, and they’d get busted!

  Hey! Where’s Perry?

  Meanwhile, Perry the Platypus was confronting his archnemesis, Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz.

  They were fighting on the balcony of Doofenshmirtz Evil, Incorporated, Doofenshmirtz’s headquarters.

  “It’s too late, Perry the Platypus!” the doctor said. “My Power-Vacuum-inator will soon turn the mayor’s mansion into lint and then vacuum it up, thereby creating an actual ‘power vacuum’ for me to fill! See? See how I used ‘vacuum’ as both a transitive verb and an abstract concept? That’s grammatical versatility!”

  Perry grabbed a vacuum cleaner and hurled it at the devious doctor. Doof smacked right into the Power-Vacuum-inator, activating the device. A beam of purple light erupted from the machine….

  The purple ray zipped across the sky of Danville and just happened to hit the giant robot in Phineas and Ferb’s backyard. The robot turned into a giant vaguely robot-shaped piece of lint just as Mom’s car pulled into the driveway.

  “It’s…I don’t know what it is, but it’s still here!” Candace said.

  “I see what you did there,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz said as the Power-Vacuum-inator started to suck in air. “You used ‘vacuum’ as a noun and as a weapon. Touché.”

  Candace tried to get her mom to see what Phineas and Ferb were up to. But Mom wasn’t having it. “Every day you call and tell me Phineas and Ferb have built some big, unbelievable thing in the backyard, and every day I come home to find nothing there. Doesn’t it exhaust you?”

  “I am begging you! I—I—” Candace sputtered.

  “It exhausts me,” Mom said. At last, she looked in the backyard. “Oh, look! There’s nothing here.”

  Mom carried some groceries inside, leaving Candace alone as the friends departed.

  “It’s not fair,” Candace said, fuming.

  “Did you say something, Candace?” Phineas asked.

  “I said, it’s not fair,” she repeated. “Every day always works out for you. You guys are having a great summer!”

  “Well, we’re all having a pretty great—” Phineas started.

  “Not me, okay?!” Candace shouted. “Every day, I get beaten down by the universe. I just feel so defeated. I feel so alone!”

  Candace began to sob as she walked away from her brothers. Neither knew exactly what to do or how to comfort her.

  “Wow,” Phineas said. “We’ve been having so much fun this summer I just assumed Candace had been, too. We should do something to cheer her up. We should make her a gift! Let’s see. Last time, we carved her face into Mount Rushmore. Let’s do something more permanent this time!”

  So the boys went inside the house to think of the ultimate gift for their sister.

  Candace sat on the front steps, crying her eyes out, thinking about the universe and how it was against her. She wasn’t sure exactly how much it was against her. The sound of a moped interrupted Candace’s reverie, and she looked up to see a young woman riding the vehicle. The woman took off her helmet, revealing long black hair underneath.

  “Candace?” the woman said.

  “Oh, hey, Vanessa,” Candace said, still crying.

  “I thought that was you. Is this your house?” Vanessa asked. She was wearing all black, as befitted the daughter of Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz.

  “Yep,” Candace replied. “My house of pain. My brothers get away with some big, ridiculous thing, and yet somehow, I’m the crazy one! It’s like the whole universe is against me!”

  Vanessa gently suggested that maybe, possibly, that wasn’t really the universe’s fault and also that maybe, possibly, the universe wasn’t against Candace.

  “You’re right!” Candace said. “It’s mostly Phineas and Ferb’s fault! That’s why I have to bust them!”

  Vanessa raised an eyebrow. “Have you ever considered not trying to bust your brothers? I mean, let’s say you did finally expose them. Then what? Would you suddenly be happy? Would all your problems just magically disappear?”

  “Yes!” Candace shouted.

  “Maybe. Maybe not,” Vanessa continued. “Is it possible that your obsession with busting them is really just a distraction from your real problem—which is how you feel about yourself?”

  Candace stared at Vanessa, thinking. “You mean like a tiny, meaningless speck in the universe, completely overshadowed by Phineas and Ferb?”

  “That’s good,” Vanessa said. “Keep going….”

  “Everybody thinks my brothers are so special!” Candace said. “Well, what about me? When do I get to feel special?”

  “Yes?” Vanessa said, trying to be encouraging.

  Candace frowned. “And…what if I’m not?”

  Vanessa leaned close to Candace and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

  “I can’t believe this,” Candace said.

  “I know, it’s kind of a breakthrough, right?” Vanessa said. “But now the healing can beg—”

  “I can’t believe this!” Candace shouted. She pointed to a strange futuristic pod that was sitting on her front lawn! Candace moved right past Vanessa to check out the weird contraption.

  “See?” Candace said. “This is the kind of insane stuff I’m talking about. Okay, guys, I give up, what does this one do? Phineas and Ferb, I know you’re in there!”

  Candace banged a fist against the metal pod. Suddenly, panels on the roof opened, and something resembling a giant funnel emerged.

  “Um…if you don’t know what it does, maybe you shouldn’t hit it?” Vanessa suggested.

  “Relax. It’s probably some kind of amusement park ride or it makes giant waffles or something,” Candace said
nonchalantly.

  Before Candace could hit the machine again, the big funnel above them began sucking up grass and dirt from the yard. A second later, the funnel sucked up Candace and Vanessa.

  In a flash, Candace and Vanessa found themselves landing on a cold metal floor. They were inside the pod! They rushed to the windows. They could see Candace’s house outside.

  The pod began to vibrate, and the sound of rockets igniting filled the room.

  Then Candace saw Phineas and Ferb leave the house. Phineas looked like he was holding a present.

  “Phineas! Ferb!” Candace cried out.

  But it was too late.

  “Candace! Where are you going?” Phineas shouted as he looked at his sister in the window of the pod. “Where is she going?”

  Ferb didn’t say a word. He just snapped a picture of the pod as it flew away.

  Meanwhile, Perry the Platypus had returned to the Flynn-Fletcher household and was sleeping under a tree. He was no longer in secret agent mode. No, he was now just an average platypus, a pet so common that you see them almost as often as you see cats or dogs.

  Perry’s nap was interrupted by an alert from his wrist communicator. A secret door in the tree behind him opened, and Perry rolled through it. He slid down a long tube until he found himself inside his secret lair. As he landed in his chair, a video screen before him hummed to life. A gray-haired man with a mustache and a smart-looking uniform appeared.

  “Agent P, we’ve just received automated emergency alert 136 Alpha,” Major Monogram said. Major Monogram was Perry’s superior at the OWCA, an organization devoted to fighting evil. “We have…no idea what that is, but Carl is looking it up in the owner’s manual.”

  Carl, an intern, popped up behind Major Monogram and handed him a book.

  “Apparently,” Major Monogram said, reading from the book, “it is a…‘clogged intake valve’?” Major Monogram looked more closely at the book. “Carl, this is for the washing machine.”

  “Wait, hold on,” Carl said, digging through more manuals. “This is for the stereo…. Microwave instructions…Oh! Here it is!”

  Carl handed the real manual to Monogram. “Now let’s see here…. ‘A member of your host family has been abducted by aliens.’”

  Behind Monogram, a photograph of Candace appeared. “This is priority one, Agent P. But remember, you cannot reveal to her that you are a secret agent, so…guess it’s gonna be tricky to rescue her. Heh. Well, good luck with that.”

  Perry rolled his eyes, then saluted Major Monogram. Then he pressed a button and blasted out of his lair on his chair. (Hey, that rhymed!)

  Phineas and Ferb were in their bedroom, analyzing the photo Ferb had taken just minutes before. They zoomed in on various parts of the alien pod, looking for clues. Clicking on the window, they saw Candace inside, screaming.

  “You’re right, Ferb,” Phineas said. “It doesn’t look like she did this on purpose. What’s that little rectangle down there?”

  Ferb zoomed in on the side of the pod.

  “Bingo!” Phineas said. “Alien license plate. She’s been abducted by aliens! Let’s run those tags on the Galactic Web.”

  Without missing a beat, Ferb’s fingers danced along the computer keyboard and brought up the Galactic Web search page. Typing in the numbers, Ferb immediately got a hit. “It’s from planet Feebla-Oot in the Vroblok Cluster,” he said.

  “That must be where they’re taking her. Ferb, I know what we’re gonna do today! We’re going to an alien planet to rescue our sister!” Phineas announced.

  They stared at each other for a moment, both realizing something important.

  “I guess first we have to figure out how to get to the, uh, Vrobl—the Vro—”

  “The Vroblok Cluster,” Ferb said.

  “The Vroblok Cluster,” Phineas said. “Man, try saying that five times fast.”

  Then Ferb said “Vroblok” five times fast, immediately followed by Phineas doing so, thus proving that it was, in fact, not hard to say “Vroblok” five times fast.

  Candace and Vanessa sat on the cold metal floor of the pod. Vanessa was throwing a ball against the wall opposite her, playing catch by herself.

  “Okay,” Candace finally said. “This is not one of Phineas and Ferb’s inventions.”

  “How can you tell?” Vanessa asked.

  “’Cause of that!” Candace said, pointing at the window.

  Vanessa looked out the window, and they saw that their pod was approaching an enormous alien mother ship. Other pods similar to the one that had captured them approached the mother ship from all directions and docked.

  “Looks like we’re not the only ones being brought here,” Vanessa observed.

  “What do you think they want from us?” Candace wondered.

  “Best-case scenario?” Vanessa said. “We’re food.”

  “That’s your best-case scenario?” Candace said, amazed. “Man, you are dark.”

  Back on Earth, Phineas and Ferb had just rung the doorbell at their friend Baljeet’s house. Baljeet answered the door, decked out in fan gear celebrating one of his favorite television shows, Space Adventure.

  “Oh, hey, guys!” Baljeet said cheerfully. “You came at a great time! I was just about to start watching my box set of Space Adventure!”

  “Actually,” Phineas said, “Candace got abducted by aliens and taken to another planet. And we need your help to rescue her.”

  “Well, why did you not lead with that?” Baljeet replied. “I suppose you will want me to build another portal. Where is the planet?”

  Ferb offered him a piece of paper with the coordinates of planet Feebla-Oot. Baljeet took the paper and eyed the numbers carefully.

  “That is like eight systems away,” Baljeet said. “We will need a much more powerful quantum field generator.”

  “But could we do it?” Phineas asked hopefully.

  “Yes, but even if we got the whole gang together, it would still take at least a whole chapter of us constructing it.”

  “Aaaand we’re done!” Buford said as he and Isabella put the finishing touches on the Transportation Portal.

  “Well, I guess it only took a page turn,” Baljeet said.

  “So this portal will take us to the same planet they’re taking Candace to?” Isabella asked.

  Phineas nodded. “Yep, when we step through this portal, we’re going to be on an alien planet, and we have no idea what to expect.”

  “Actually, I took the liberty of printing out some possible scenarios based on the infinite possibilities,” Baljeet said. “We could be attacked by carnivorous plants, giant alien spiders, flying shark creatures….”

  “Are any not terrifying?” Isabella inquired.

  “Oh, of course!” Baljeet said. “Here is a bunch of playful puppies—”

  “Awwwww!” Isabella swooned.

  “—that shoot nerve gas from their tongues.”

  “Ewwwww,” Isabella said.

  Phineas stared at his friends. “Look, what Baljeet is saying is this could get really dangerous. Ferb and I can’t ask you to go. Candace is our sister. She was pretty upset the last time we saw her. And I kinda feel like somehow it’s our fault,” he said. “So we’re the ones who have to make this right. This isn’t on you.”

  “If you think you’re goin’ to an alien planet without us, you’re even crazier than Candace,” Buford said.

  “Yeah! Bring on the nerve gas puppies!” Isabella said enthusiastically.

  “Thank you, guys,” Phineas said, touched. “Ready? Here we go!”

  The group joined hands and stepped through the portal….

  “Hello! And welcome, aliens!”

  As the kids emerged from the other side of the portal, they were greeted by a large robot.

  Baljeet screamed.

  “Oh, that’s just Norm,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz said. “He’s usually harmless. Um, are you aliens?”

  “You’re the alien!” Buford said.

  Isabella look
ed over the balcony. “Guys, we’re still in Danville!”

  And they were! At Doofenshmirtz Evil, Incorporated, to be precise.

  “This is not possible,” Baljeet said. “My calculations could not have been that off.”

  Phineas saw that Dr. Doofenshmirtz had a similar-looking portal. “And why do you have a portal?” he asked.

  “Well, I was trying to get to the planet Feebla-Oot,” the doctor replied.

  “We have to get to Feebla-Oot to save our sister!” Phineas told him.

  “My daughter was apparently abducted by an alien pod from there!” Dr. Doofenshmirtz added. “She posted about it on the social media.”

  The doctor held up his cell phone, showing a picture of his daughter, Vanessa, in the alien pod. Candace was with her.

  “Wait, that’s Vanessa,” Phineas said. “We know her!”

  “And she’s with Candace!” Isabella interjected.

  “Oh, I hope my little girl is okay,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, worried.

  “Wha-haaaa!” Baljeet said, staring at his phone. “There is an ion barrier around the planet. Our transporters were both deflected, which made them connect to each other!”

  There was silence for a moment as the group looked at each other, wondering what they could possibly do. At last, Phineas spoke. “If we’re going to rescue Candace and Vanessa, we need to build a spaceship,” he said. Looking around Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s place, Phineas saw all kinds of machines. “Unless anyone has one lying around.”

  “I don’t have a spaceship per se,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, “but I do have…”

  The kids were in suspense as Dr. Doofenshmirtz unveiled what looked exactly like a spaceship on the balcony.